Tips on how to get yo ass outta bed when you really don’t want to
- Lay out your clothes the night before – this is not brand new information. This is accurate AF because let’s face it, if you don’t have that shit prepared, you ain’t going.
- Get to bed early – and by bed early, I mean get into bed, lights off and phone down. Alternatively, have a cup of tea and scroll through your phone for an hour, judging, stalking, time-wasting. It’ll get you all set for a restless night’s sleep cos your brain is alert from your phone light and you’ll end up dreaming of your bestie’s ex-boyfriend’s cousin Dave-o.
- Set an alarm before your alarm – the pre-alarm goes off. It’s a screeching, soul-crushing sound that warns you: you have 10 minutes to lie in the comfort of bed and then life is over. I personally think this is better than setting an alarm that allows you zero time to stew over how fucking cold, and shit it is to be up so God damn early. If you wanna set just the one and “jump out of bed” to start the day, you can get in the bin.
- Buy a heater – have it next to your bed and flick it on when your pre-alarm goes off. Makes the getting-out-of-bed part 1% more bearable.
- Become an elephant – make heaps of noise so your partner also wakes up and suffers with you at that ungodly hour. Huff and puff as you whip the covers off, accidentally leave a light on, pee super loud in the bathroom and flush the toilet with the door open. If I’m going down, I’m taking every other bastard down with me.