It’s been an anxiety-riddled kinda day today.
I woke up grumpy with sore muscles and crusty eyes. I was cross at everything. I wanted to train legs at the gym, but not enough to get my ass out of bed. My body felt like lead and I let my inner bitch get the better of me. The lack of endorphins to start my day, the failing to follow-through on a commitment and continuous nights of broken sleep, all contributed to the anxiety-filled day I had.
I made some feeble attempts to change my attitude by acknowledging things I was grateful for and completing tasks within my control, but nothing really worked. Even the prospect of my much-needed hair appointment in the afternoon couldn’t cheer me up. I was just a shell of myself today.
There’s no excuse for it.
I let the weird mood win. I didn’t really have any energy or desire to fight it either. I just went about my day frowning, with limited enthusiasm and figured it’d wear off eventually. Which it did of course. My mood drastically improved when I left my workplace to focus on things just for me, like whether I should cut all my hair off (I didn’t), watching videos of my nephew celebrating his birthday (the best) and appreciating that I have a partner who gives as many fucks about Valentine’s Day as I do. #zero
Whilst some people may tell you it’s all in your power to turn your circumstances, attitude and days around, I’m someone who will tell you that sometimes, you’re just going to have average days.
Whether there are good reasons for them, or not. They will happen. And rather than telling yourself you’re a failure or beating yourself up for not “looking for a silver lining”, sometimes it’s okay to just stew in the darkness of it all. Because if you’re anything like me, if you dwell there long enough, you’ll soon realise it’s an unpleasant and ugly way to be and will want to snap yourself out of it quick bloody smart.
P.S. It really helps if you get your hair done.