So, I bought a used PlayStation 3 (PS3). #isomademedoit
I figure now is the best time to indulge in something I would never normally entertain, and while I’m at it, buy some games from my childhood. So, I purchased Rayman (the original, none of that remade shit) and Stuart Little 2. So far, the nostalgia has been worth every penny.
The OG Rayman.
It also turns out that Josh, who has never been a fan of gaming, is much more excited about the whole thing than I am. He remained very calm when I told him a PS3 was on the way and in the days following, proceeded to message me asking for:
- Australia Post updates
- Clarification on whether PS1 and PS2 games can be played on a PS3
- How he might like some racing and UFC games
No surprises, but he’s spent more time on it since it arrived a few days ago.
Although that’s mainly because I only have Rayman to play at the moment and I get so fucking angry when I die over and over that I turn it off before I have a bitchfit. Josh is becoming adept at Gran Turismo and FIFA, and has Grand Theft Auto, Call of Duty and a variety of other games to dive into should he need additional entertainment during isolation.
And I have zero regrets.
It’s been really nice seeing Josh switch off. It’s felt really nice switching off myself. It’s felt SO nice indulging in something that completely takes my mind offline. I don’t think about anything outside of the game when I’m playing it. It’s relatively pointless and unproductive and yet I’ve found it incredibly helpful during the hours where I’m just not coping with all this COVID shit. And I still have those days.
I’ve sort of moved on from the immediate impending doom I feel when I snap my eyes open to “okay this is the new normal” … until it’s been a couple of days and then suddenly, I break. I get overwhelmed with restlessness or anxiety. I start questioning eveything. Myself, my choices, my writing ability, my ability to perform my job well, my role as a girlfriend, a daughter, an aunty. Escaping into PlayStation games, lighthearted books, exercising and doing Cluewords for hours on end has helped, but shit, some days I’m just like FUCK THIS ¯_(ツ)_/¯
It’s not all Sad Sally stuff though.
I bit the bullet and joined in on my first F45 class via Zoom last week (and Sarah, you were right – it was easy, painless and just what I needed). I’ve been doing pilates in my living room, I’m not overeating most days and I’ve cut back on the drinking (or maybe I’ve just incorporated into my life so well that I no longer think it’s weird, but whatevs). I’ve been in the ocean, I baked ANZAC cookies and they were legit AMAZING – see feature photo of this post as PROOF (also thanks to my sister Jen for sending me this recipe) and I spent hours over the weekend reflecting on how LUCKY I AM to be here.
I made myself go into crisp, salty water and it felt so amazing I kissed Josh’s head.
Some days are really hard and exhausting, filled with self-doubt, dread and confusion. That’s just an exaggerated part of my life right now. But I am lucky. I live in the best country in the world, I live near the ocean, have wonderful friends and family and I have hope that the light at the end of this isolation tunnel is getting brighter.